Sexual fantasies
Sexual Fantasies Sex Guide covers common fantasies among men and women, from roleplay and threesomes to BDSM, domination and submission. It also looks at sexual fantasies with escorts and prostitutes, why people pay to explore them and how to discuss requests, boundaries and prices before booking.
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Contents
Common Fantasies Among Men
Common themes include group encounters and threesomes, especially two-woman scenarios among heterosexual men.
- Variety and discovery - New partners and new experiences.
- Watching others - 63% report this interest.
- Performance - Scenarios centred on sexual success and satisfaction.
- Anal sex and particular activities - More emphasis on the acts than the feelings.
Common Fantasies Among Women
- Submission and bondage - Studies have shown that a large percentage of women name submissive sex as a favourite fantasy.
- Same-sex encounters - Women are more likely than men to fantasise about same-sex partners, regardless of their orientation.
- Familiar partners - Fantasies often involve famous people or someone they know.
- Intimacy and connection - Intimate, playful conversations, feeling loved and valued, and being found interesting.
Where Fantasies Overlap
Both men and women often fantasise about current partners, public encounters, roleplay and elements of BDSM. Women tend to favour submissive roles, while men show a more even split between dominant and submissive roles.
Cultural Patterns
The main fantasy themes are remarkably similar around the world. Studies in Japan, Britain, North America and Europe using the Wilson Sex Fantasy Questionnaire found similar basic components. Submission, control, intimacy and discovery appear across many cultures.
What changes is how people express and report those fantasies:
- Cultural openness - People in more sexually conservative cultures tend to report fewer fantasies.
- Gender roles - Where gender roles are more rigid, fantasy patterns tend to be more sharply divided.
- Social pressure - Where a wider range of experiences is accepted, those fantasies appear more common.
Research describes fantasies as a normal part of human experience. How comfortable people feel admitting them varies between cultures.
Paying to Explore a Fantasy
Sex workers say fantasy plays a big part in their work. Clients may book to try something they are embarrassed to discuss with a partner, something their partner does not want to do, or a fantasy they want to explore.
Reasons include:
- Something different - Experiences that are harder to arrange in everyday life, such as threesomes or specific roleplay.
- Professional boundaries - Clear agreements about consent and what the session involves. Sex workers handle a wide range of requests without judgment.
- Keeping pressure off a partner - Exploring an interest without pushing a partner who does not share it.
Finding a Provider for Your Fantasy
Check the Local Rules
Laws around sex work vary widely. Some areas, such as Nevada, have legal brothels, while some areas in Australia, New Zealand and Germany are fully regulated. Elsewhere, it is illegal. Read the local rules before making arrangements.
Use the Right Platforms
In places where sex work is legal or the legislation is unclear, options include:
- Escort directories with verification procedures.
- Providers specialising in particular kinks, such as a dominatrix for BDSM.
- Regulated areas where requests can be discussed with an establishment beforehand.
Say What You Want
Be direct in your first message. A professional wants to know what the booking involves. Briefly explain your interests, such as “I'm interested in exploring submission and domination” or “I'm interested in roleplay scenarios.”
Ask whether they have experience with that interest. If they say no, respect the answer.
Look for the Right Speciality
Many sex workers have particular skills:
- Dominatrices - BDSM, power exchange and bondage.
- Girlfriend experience - Romantic and intimate situations.
- Adult performers - Adult-film experience and more distinctive, visually stimulating encounters.
- Couples escorts - Bookings involving couples and threesomes.
Reviews and Screening
Read reviews and check the provider's online presence. Expect screening yourself: they will want to assess you too.
Avoid sending deposits to people whose credentials have not been confirmed. Meet in safe surroundings.
Straightforward communication matters. Experienced providers tend to know how to set clear boundaries and stick to them. Agree on safewords for BDSM and a setting where the fantasy can be explored.
Things to Keep in Mind
- Who you book - Choose independent providers working with consent.
- Expectations - Sex workers are doing a job. Their performance is not necessarily an expression of personal desire.
- Cost - One-off fantasy bookings tend to be expensive.
- Sexual health - Professionals have introduced procedures intended to support sexual health.
