Sexual fantasy
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A sexual fantasy, also called an erotic fantasy, is a mental image or pattern of thought that creates or increases sexual arousal. A sexual fantasy exists entirely in a person's mind and can be created by imagination, memories or thoughts.
A fantasy may be triggered by almost anything. It can come from a long story in erotic literature or a pornographic film, a photograph, a physical object, or simply sexual attraction to another person. Anything that creates sexual arousal can also create sexual fantasies, and sexual arousal itself may lead to new fantasies.
Sexual fantasies are extremely common. However, actually carrying out some fantasies in real life is much less common. Some fantasies involve things that a person would never really want to do.
Some people act out fantasies through sexual roleplay. A fantasy can be positive, negative or a mixture of both. It may come from a past experience or influence future sexual behaviour.
Because fantasies exist only in the imagination, they are not restricted by what is practical, socially acceptable or even possible in real life.
The term sexual fantasy can also describe erotic scenes in books, films and works of art. Pornographic films, erotic literature and other sexual media often use fantasy situations as part of their stories.
Contents
Methodology
Sexual fantasies are difficult to measure because they exist inside the mind and people do not always admit what they fantasize about.
Researchers have traditionally studied sexual fantasies in several ways:
- Giving anonymous people a list of fantasies and asking which ones they have experienced, how often they have them and in what situation.
- Asking people to write down their sexual fantasies in their own words.
- Having people keep a diary of fantasies they experience over a certain period.
None of these methods is perfect. People forget fantasies, may not want to reveal embarrassing fantasies, or may change their answers because they are worried about how they will be judged.
Researchers have also compared reported sexual arousal with physical signs of arousal, including genital blood flow and heart rate.
Studies about sex also have the normal problems found in other research. Samples can be small, not completely random and heavily influenced by culture, religion, gender roles and social taboos.
People may also disagree about what actually counts as a sexual fantasy. A romantic daydream that causes sexual arousal may not be reported as a sexual fantasy if the person does not consider it explicitly sexual.
Purposes
Sexual fantasies vary enormously between people. They can range from very ordinary sex with a partner to extremely strange or impossible situations.
Fantasies allow people to imagine situations and sexual roles they may never experience in real life. A person may imagine being dominant, submissive, irresistible, innocent, powerful or completely out of control.
Almost any object, person, situation or sexual act can become part of a fantasy.
A person may have absolutely no desire to carry out a fantasy in real life. Fantasies can simply be entertainment inside the mind.
Sexual fantasy is especially common during masturbation. Many people also fantasize during sex to increase arousal or maintain an orgasm.
During sexual contact, a person may use fantasy to ignore distractions or concentrate on the parts of sex that feel good. Someone receiving fellatio or cunnilingus, for example, may concentrate on a fantasy while enjoying the physical stimulation.
Couples sometimes share fantasies to become more aroused, increase intimacy or try something different. Some couples act out fantasies through sexual roleplay.
Fantasies have also been used in sex therapy, especially when somebody has difficulty becoming sexually aroused or reaching orgasm.
Common Sexual Fantasies
Almost everybody has sexual fantasies, although the content varies by person, age, gender, sexual orientation, culture and experience.
Some of the most common fantasies include:
- Sex with a current partner
- Sex with somebody other than a current partner
- Reliving an exciting sexual experience
- Oral sex
- Sex in an unusual or romantic location
- Having several sexual partners
- Threesomes
- Group sex
- Dominating another person
- Being dominated
- BDSM
- Sex with a stranger
- Casual sex
- Being irresistible to other people
- Forced sex fantasies
A fantasy does not mean that someone actually wants the same thing to happen in real life.
| Fantasy | Carried it out (%) | Fantasized about it (%) |
|---|---|---|
| Infidelity | 16 | 30 |
| Threesome | 14 | 21 |
| Sex at work | 12 | 10 |
The figures above come from an older American sex survey and should not be taken as universal figures for every country or generation.
Gender Differences
Studies have often found differences between male and female sexual fantasies.
Male fantasies tend to contain more visual sexual imagery and explicit physical detail. Men are also more likely to fantasize about casual sex, multiple partners, threesomes and orgies.
Women's fantasies have often been reported as containing more emotion, romantic context and connection with a partner.
There is plenty of overlap, however. Men can have romantic fantasies and women can have extremely explicit fantasies.
Men and women also fantasize about dominance and submission. Some research has found that men fantasize about both dominating and submitting, while women report submissive fantasies more frequently.
Culture and upbringing can strongly affect these differences. It is difficult to know how much comes from biology and how much comes from social expectations about male and female sexuality.
Sexual Orientation
Gay, lesbian and bisexual people have many of the same basic sexual fantasy themes as heterosexual people, except that the sex and gender of the people appearing in the fantasies may be different.
Studies of gay men have commonly reported fantasies involving male bodies, penises, buttocks, oral sex, group sex, strangers and sexual encounters with other men.
Lesbian women may fantasize about specific parts of a woman's body, sex with other women, several female partners and other situations involving women.
Sexual orientation does not determine exactly what somebody will fantasize about. Individual fantasies vary enormously.
Force
Power and force are reported by both men and women.
The person having the fantasy may imagine being forced, dominated or overpowered, or may imagine being the dominant person.
Having a forced sex fantasy does not mean somebody wants to be raped or wants to rape another person in real life. Fantasy and real-world consent are completely different things.
Many forced-sex fantasies remain under the control of the person imagining them. The fantasist controls who is involved, what happens and when the fantasy stops.
Some people who have experienced sexual assault may also experience unwanted sexual thoughts or fantasies connected with what happened to them. These are different from intentionally created erotic fantasies.
Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation
Fantasy and masturbation are closely connected.
Many people use mental images of previous partners, strangers, celebrities, porn scenes or completely imaginary people while masturbating.
Pornography can also become part of the fantasy. A person watching a pornographic film may imagine being one of the performers or imagine similar sex happening to them.
Others prefer fantasy without pornography because they can create exactly the situation they want inside their own mind.
Sexual Fantasy Between Couples
Talking about fantasies can be part of a couple's sex life.
Some couples tell each other about fantasies involving threesomes, BDSM, role play, strangers, exhibitionism, voyeurism or other sex acts.
Other fantasies remain completely private.
Nobody has to tell a partner every fantasy they have. A private fantasy is not the same thing as actually cheating or carrying out the fantasy.
Couples who want to act out a fantasy can agree beforehand about what they are comfortable doing and where the limits are.
Social Views of Sexual Fantasy
Social views of sexual fantasy and sex vary greatly around the world.
In some cultures sexual fantasies are discussed openly. In others even admitting to sexual thoughts can be considered embarrassing or immoral.
For much of history sexual fantasies were sometimes treated as sinful, abnormal or evidence that something was psychologically wrong with a person.
During the twentieth century, researchers studying human sexuality increasingly treated sexual fantasy as a normal part of sexuality.
Today fantasies are generally considered a normal part of sexual behaviour, although many people still feel embarrassed or guilty about particular fantasies.
Religion can also affect attitudes toward fantasy. Some Christians, for example, interpret Biblical teachings about lust as applying to sexual fantasies involving somebody other than a spouse.
Guilt and Jealousy
Some people feel guilty about their sexual fantasies, especially if the fantasy involves cheating, BDSM, group sex, somebody other than their partner or an act they consider morally wrong.
Other people have sexual fantasies without feeling any guilt at all.
Jealousy can also become an issue when couples discuss fantasies. Somebody may be comfortable knowing their partner fantasizes but become upset when hearing that the fantasy involves another person.
Having a fantasy about somebody else does not necessarily mean a person is dissatisfied with their partner or intends to have sex with somebody else.
A fantasy exists inside the mind. What somebody chooses to do in real life is a separate matter.
